Mindfulness Exercise: The Who, Where and What of Your Happiness

Start by considering:

·         The three people you feel happiest around. How much time do you spend with them – by phone, personal visits or emails/letters?

·         The three places where you feel the most joy. How often do you visit these places?

·         The three activities that most delight you. How do you integrate them into your daily life?

Becoming aware of the people, places and activities that bring us the most joy—and creating time for them--requires mindfulness. Much like your body responds to a physical exercise routine, your mind responds and becomes increasingly aware, peaceful and loving as you train it through meditation. And just like physical exercise, the more you meditate, the more you use these calming circuits in your mind, making it easier to experience happiness.

Take time to be mindful about the people you surround yourself with – make time for people you love. Visit places that make you feel joyful – the local flea market, your church or temple or a nearby forest preserve. Make time for the activities that energize and delight you. Read, if that’s what you love to do. Or listen to your favorite music . . . and of course meditate!

Consider, how can you make time for these people, places and activities on a regular basis?

“Action may not always bring happiness;

but there is no happiness without action”

-Benjamin Disraeli (British Prime Minister and Novelist 1804-1881)

Key to happiness - cultivate our capacity for kindness!

I am a big fan of Krista Tippet and her National Public Radio program Being (formerly called “Speaking of Faith”). Krista interviews a wide range of experts on topics ranging from religion, spirituality, human brain and learning.   In a recent interview, Krista talked with Sylvia Boorstein – a professional psychotherapist (who combines her professional knowledge with the compassion of a spiritual teacher and the wisdom of a grandmother!).  Boorstein indicates that the secret to happiness lies in cultivating our capacity to connect with kindness with ourselves, family, friends . . . and even with people who may not like.

If you would like to learn more, check out her book “Happiness is an inside job”. I love that book for its simplicity and power of its message.

I recently tried the following set of phrases in a meditation group and many of the participants found it to be very effective to relaxing them. You can try its effectiveness on you by reading these phrases aloud or writing it in your journal multiple times:

• May I be happy and peaceful
• May I be free from fear and suffering
• May I live with love and compassion
• May I fully awaken and be free

(You can repeat the phrases above with a blessing to people around you – May you be happy and peaceful . . . )

(You can repeat the phrase above with a blessing to all being – May all beings be happy and peaceful . . .)

References:

Happiness Is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life (Hardcover)  Published December 4th 2007 by Ballantine Books

You can find the interview with Sylvia Boorstein here

http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2012/what-we-nurture/

Check out the 7 min video on Loving Kindness Meditation here

http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2012/what-we-nurture/video_lovingkindness-meditation.shtml

5 Common Challenges to Meditation

One of my favorite websites is “Zen Stories to Tell Your Neighbors”

http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/zenstory.html

Here is one of my favorite stories from that site.

A martial arts student went to his teacher and said earnestly, "I am devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it." The teacher's reply was casual, "Ten years." Impatiently, the student answered, "But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?" The teacher thought for a moment, "20 years."

Many of my meditation workshop participants ask for help with the following problems in their meditation practice. I think about the story above because many of the students have come up with creative ways to deal with these challenges. It is not about working hard on meditation but going with the flow with your challenges.

1. Wandering mind and focus – many meditation beginners are frustrated with how difficult it is to focus one’s mind on a specific image or their own breathing.  Thoughts such as “Am I doing this right?” or “Oh! I remember that I have to finish an errand”. Such distracting thoughts are very common as the “Left” or logical part of the brain is often uncomfortable with the meditation process. You can use your imagination to observe and let these thoughts drift away. You can then bring back your focus on to your “mantra” or your breathing.  Just be tolerant of the incessant chatter in your mind.  Some people often describe meditation as the gap between the thoughts but remember that even if the gap is for a few seconds, your body and mind benefits from that relaxation.  You can change your focus from breathing to images or listen to relaxing music - pick the most effective focusing method that works for you. One of my participants meditates by focusing her attention on the flame of a candle. Just understand that relaxation comes from your focus and “inward” looking. It is not necessarily a continuous process – and it may come in waves and spells.

2. Physical itch and discomfort – As you focus on meditation; you become aware of new tensions, itches and physical discomforts.  You may also become aware of pain in your neck or back.  Feel free to adjust your position. If you are sitting cross-legged on the floor, consider moving to a comfortable chair. There is nothing wrong in scratching an itch or applying soothing lotion on any dry part of the skin that itches.  The important thing is to return to your mindfulness or meditation session after dealing with your source of discomfort.

3. Falling asleep – When I listen to a new piece of meditation music, I often fall asleep.  When you are tired or exhausted, your physical body can relax immediately by falling asleep.  Do you lie down to meditate? Consider sitting on a comfortable chair. If you continue to fall asleep even in the sitting position, try meditating at different times of the day – say early in the morning or middle of the day. Be patient with yourself when this happens.  In some cases, you may so physically tired that the body responds by sleeping.

4. Feeling bored – some participants find meditating to be a very boring activity. Their mind feels restless and they do not get a relaxation response. They grow fidgety and uncomfortable.  Try different techniques – focus on your breathing,  try different types of music or use your imagination to transport yourself to a beach, forest or garden.   If sitting still is a challenge, I strongly recommend walking meditation – see article below:

You do what with a tennis ball?!!

5. Lack of results – do not expect to become a meditation expert in a few sittings but you should be able to relax within 1-2 meditation session. I teach three techniques – focus on breathing, happy place meditation and loving kindness meditation.  There are number of other meditation techniques. Check out books, CDs and DVDs from your public library. If you are open, you will definitely find a technique that works best for you.

Are you challenged to find time to meditate? Check out this article

No time for meditation? Here is what you can do . . .

In spite of my years of meditation practice, there are some days when I can’t relax and enjoy my meditation sessions.  To paraphrase a famous saying about fishing “A bad day at meditation is better than a good day with stress”!

 I look forward to hearing about your challenges in meditation and how you overcame them.